In his piece, Post It, Michael Walsh finds beautiful movements in the most mundane of activities. Filled with repetition, intense eye contact, and actual post-it notes, the work is engaging in its familiarity. Michael Walsh is also dancing in Michael Bandy’s piece, entitled When You’re Not Strong. Inspired by the talents and real-life working relationship of Maribeth Maxa and Michael Walsh, it is a highly physical duet in which the dancers demonstrate various nonverbal communications, all the way from subtle glances to intimate balancing acts.

If you’ve heard your children talking about “bugs” and “wishes” and are wondering what that’s all about, this posting will give you the details about a conflict resolution technique that we use at Hope Academy called A Bug and a Wish, a Walk and a Wave. Click on “Read More” for the whole story.

A Bug and a Wish, a Walk and a Wave…

Last summer I spent some time observing a neighbor babysitting her 4- and 5-year-old grandchildren. They were instructed to go outside together and “play nice.” This lasted all of about 10 minutes before some confrontation or another erupted, usually having to do with whose turn it was to ride in the motorized Escalade (and for how long). Name-calling ensued and then fists, hair pulling, crying and screaming. The grandmother would come out and give them a warning: either take turns and share, or come inside for a time-out.  Of course it wasn’t long before there was another argument and the boys were yanked into the house, because they were being “bad.”
 
As the summer wore on, and I wore out listening to the yelling and screaming next door, I thought about our students at Hope Academy and how important it is to give them actual strategies and techniques for working together and solving their inevitable conflicts. So many adults (parents, grandparents, teachers) seem to expect kids to do the very thing that they themselves have difficulty doing — getting along and playing nice — without ever actually teaching them how to do it.
 
So I started asking people who work with children for advice. We needed something simple enough that even the younger kids could handle it; a way to attempt to solve the problem on their own first, but also a way to know when to ask an adult for help. One answer, in particular intrigued me. It’s called “A Bug and a Wish” and it goes like this:
 
If you are bothered or hurt by the words or actions of another person, you need to go to that person and ask them if you can give them a bug and a wish (“May I give you a bug and a wish?”). The other person must agree to receive the bug and wish. (“Yes, you may give me a bug and a wish”). The person who is offended says, “It bugs me when you…” and “I wish that you would…” For example, “It bugs me when you kick my chair and I wish that you would keep your feet away from me.” This should be said without emotion (matter-of-factly), making sure that there is a solution offered. It’s simple, makes sense and is easy to remember. In most cases it has been a way for the kids to resolve problems on their own, and to feel proud of their negotiation skills. They are starting to learn that they can talk to people rather than about them, and that “bugs” can be balanced by “wishes” to resolve problems.
 
Sometimes, however, the bug and a wish method isn’t enough. So we’ve added “a walk and a wave” and it goes like this. If the person bugging you doesn’t stop, then walk away. Ignoring the behavior might just do the trick. If this still doesn’t stop the behavior, wave both hands in the air above your head (this is our international sign for “I don’t feel safe”) and an adult will intervene. We talk a lot about creating a safe environment so the kids understand that it is important to let someone know immediately if they don’t feel safe, for any reason. And they should feel that it is OK to trust their instincts and go directly to the wave if they need to.
 
So there you have it, our “a bug and a wish, a walk and a wave” method for conflict resolution. Now you’ll know what your kids are talking about, and maybe you can try it at home with the rest of your family. The teenagers are working with a more in-depth conflict resolution technique, but I’ll write a separate post on that over the Thanksgiving break. Have a great, conflict-free holiday!

• I. Prelude
• IV. Air
• V. Rigaudon 

• I. Allegro
• II. Adagio
• III. Allegro

• I. Allegro moderato
• II. Andante
• III. Menuetto
• IV. Allegro con spirito 

Those who have RSVP’d for tomorrow night – watch this video and then meet at the Kelly-Strayhorn Theater at 8:45 pm. “Store” lasts 60 minutes. You will be out of the theater by 10:00 pm so that you can get a good night’s rest for Saturday classes at Hope Academy!

Photo of Hope Academy students performing “Thriller” at the Kelly-Strayhorn Theater. Video photo slideshow of creative movement and pre-ballet students in their costumes; and HAT Co kids preparing for and performing at Halloween Mayhem.

HAT Co students will be working with Janet Madelle Feindel during the month of November. Janet Feindel is a tenured faculty member in Voice and Alexander technique at Carnegie Mellon University’s School of Drama and also serves as Visiting Professor at UCLA’s School of Theatre, Film, and Television. She is also a good friend and supporter of Hope Academy. Please be on time (9 am) and ready to begin work promptly. We will do check-in and business till 9:15. You will switch between singing and dance classes for this month. Janet Feindel’s new book, The Thought Propels the Sound, is available on Amazon.com.

Saturday is dress-up day for Hope Academy students in our PBT dance classes (creative movement, pre-ballet and ballet). Just make sure that you can move and dance in your costume. Parents will be permitted to watch the last five minutes of each class (from the catwalk on the ground floor). We will take pictures and have some treats! More fun, before or after class, across the street at the Kelly-Strayhorn Theater. See the post below for more info about Halloween Mayhem Day.