Ten years ago this month, my wife and I were expecting the birth of our first child. In preparation for that event, I composed a long essay as a way to express my thoughts and hopes as I prepared to assume the role of being a father. As my son’s tenth birthday approaches (as does my daughter’s eighth birthday), I share this essay with you.
To my daughter or son,
Sometime in the next two months, you’ll be born, and we’ll meet for the first time. I’ve been rearranging furniture in the guest room to make it into a nursery. I’ve also been rearranging my mental furniture, my thoughts and priorities, to prepare for your presence in my life.
You are a child of the 21st century, one of the first who will live almost entirely in the new millennium. My world has been defined by a century soon to pass away, an age of machines and technology. Your world is an age of information, of Internet, e-mail, and the “global village.” More information is available to you in a single day than our ancestors had during their entire lifetimes.
Unfortunately, information isn’t the same as knowledge, and having access to so many facts isn’t the same as being wise. At the moment when our world is more connected than ever before, we as individuals have never felt more fragmented. We live busy and active lives, but we are seldom at peace. So just between us, here are a few suggestions as you prepare to enter this world.
First, learn people’s names. As soon as you emerge, you will be given a name. That process is the same all over the planet. But people find it difficult to remember names, so we choose to remember only categories: friend, enemy, rich, poor, Republican, Democrat, Christian, Jew, pro-choice, pro-life, gay, straight. Most of our world’s woes can be traced to this preference for labels over names. Yet all of the finest emotions you will ever feel – compassion, sympathy, love – are dependent on knowing others’ names. So learn people’s names.
Second, be biased. This may seem like a strange request, but it emerges from the heart of our faith tradition. Christianity has never claimed to be impartial. It is unequivocally biased – in favor of the people pushed aside and passed over, those without voices or lobbyists, the abused child, the forgotten invalid, the stranger denied a home among us. The rich and powerful will always find ways to make themselves heard. Be biased toward the poor in body and spirit around you.
Third, enjoy your entire body. The world in all its splendor will be presented to you through your senses, so learn to celebrate life through the wonder that is your physical body. Protect your flesh and bones from harmful chemicals and things that deaden your senses. Nurture your soul and imagination through times of creativity, curiosity, and laughter. Discover that your sexuality is about much more than sex. Much darkness and pain has come into this world by those taught to hate their bodies, distorting sexuality into something shameful rather than welcoming it as a sacred trust and joyful potential given to all people. Never forget: Every inch of you is beautiful and has been made in God’s image.
Fourth, know that you’ll never be alone. You’ll be born into a family who loves you dearly. Over the years, the family you’ll create around you, will ebb and flow – relatives, friends, a spouse, partner, co-workers, neighbors. As much as I can, I’ll be near you even when you wish me to be elsewhere. I’ll watch, laugh and celebrate as you grow to be distinct from me, perhaps even distant from me.
While I live, you’ll never be far from my heart. In time I’ll die, as all will die, but you’ll not be left alone. Why? Because at the heart of life is a loving heart, one both eternal in time and perfect in knowledge. All our earthly affection is at best a pale reflection of God’s deeper love that’ll never leave or forsake you. Never.
Though I give you these words, know that you will soon give me something far more precious. The fatherly relationship I have known by faith and by family I will now be able to embody for you. I will soon see the wonder of this world afresh through your eyes. Through the past years, my life has been shaped by a God-given sense of hope, for which I am grateful. But with your birth, I will be able to literally hold hope in my hands and call it by name. What an amazing gift that will be. See you soon.